Life is picking up the pace. I wont be in this house much longer. Which in some ways in kinda sad, cause its got awesome views and I have lots of space, but I did not live here long enough to get too attached (7/8 weeks). And I think i’m part Nomad now anyway.
Next week sees me moving to my parents for a bit pre-surgery. I need to attend a pre-operation appointment, and just get in the right frame of mind for it. After that I will be heading to my brothers house, who has kindly let me stay with him and his partner for a few weeks during recovery! Then I will bounce back to my parents who will hopefully tolerate me until I get a job and a house share in the area :-).
Basically I will be living out of a suitcase for a good month if not more. It’s going to be a teeeeny bit of an upheaval, but it makes sense, and it’s a plan – my plan. I’m kinda learning to be comfortable with just doing what I think is best for me, and not what other people think is best. It’s taking some time, cause sometimes I just wanna follow what someone else says, cause the known path is the least scary. But slowly i’m trusting myself, and the more I do, the better i’m feeling within myself. All good stuff!
I’m selling/donating/chucking some of my gear to make it more transportable. I.e. can all fit in a standard sized car. The only big thing I am reluctant to sell is my bike, so i’m keeping hold and ensuring my other stuff is small enough to squeeze round the bike with its wheel/s off in a car. It’s pretty refreshing really, the more you throw the lighter you feel. I try assess each item for the likelihood of using it in next couple of years. I sold my office chair today, and felt stupid for having a mini heart tug at seeing it go. Soon got over it though.
I have (kinda) finished my dissertation! My supervisor is having one last check, and then I just need to add page numbers and BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!! send it in for printing 😀 . I am going to a nice fish resturant on Saturday evening to celebrate. Uni no more.
Transition wise – well, they say all forms of testosterone are the same – so it must be the dose – but Nebido is great. I’m finding it easier to gain muscle (than Testogel), and facial hair is coming in at a much faster pace. It’s like Popeye has just eaten an extra strong tin of spinach. I bet if he had grown out his facial hair he would have looked like a walking carpet.
Anyway, all this life changing stuff means I am leaving CMHT – no more mental health support for the first time in 3? years maybe. Which, i’m not going to lie, is shit scary. But I feel I am ready for it now, I will have to keep a check on my anxiety. I will have to take deep breaths often. I will have to let go and move with the flow more often. I will have to smile and enjoy the present. I am excited about what is round the corner!