Woooo, has it really been that long? I think the last 6 months have flown by, most likely because of University. But I suppose it calls for a bit of a summary of how things are now.
- I can’t remember the last time I was misgendered. This feels great and has given me much more confidence
- My view on gender and labelling has changed and developed and I no longer care half as much as I used to about how far I fit into the “trans masculine” zone. I’m sure i’m in there, otherwise I would not want, need, enjoy all these physical changes, but I understand that alongside 99% of humanity, I have a mix of gender traits and characteristics.
- I’m much more sure of myself. With my added confidence I now am more likely to stand up for what I believe. It’s a long way from eloquent public persuasion, and I doubt i’m ever going to want to be someone like a politician etc, but I know I have a right to a view and to express it, without feeling embarrassed or ashamed to heads up with people who don’t agree.
- My facial hair is no where near I expected it a year and a half in. I only had the low expectation of having a furry colony of trolls living in my flowing, slightly tapered and hansomely shaped beard. It seems to be taking off though, a combo of Nebido (which I have a feeling has increased my T levels) and Minoxidl have booted my face into gear. Although at the moment it seems to went to become a cotton plantation.
- I’m not a big built guy, but I have bulked out. My shoulders mainly and upper arms. I do weights every other day (ish), the same kind of stuff that I used to do pre-T. Expect for now I can progress, lift more and put on more muscle.
- I’m still mentally getting my head round all the possible surgery’s and the time and recovery. It affects a big chunk of your life if you choose the surgery routes. It adds a spanner in the works sometimes, and can limit and irritate and effect mental health too. At this stage in my transition, i’m starting to get into the thick of surgery decisions etc.
- I’m still so happy I made the scary first step to start transitioning 🙂
- I still can’t bring myself to like the Trans flag – to me it just reinforces the idea of gendered colours to the wider public – a rediculous “belief” that is already too widespead. But I’m not going to stress about it, it is what it is!
- I’m hairy – and the body hair growth never stops!
- I eat more
- I sweat more
- I smell more
- Testosterone has not changed me – like the core of me, who I am. I was a bit worried about this pre-T… would I loose the person I feel I am inside? But instead, all thats happened it that person who is me can express themselves more openly and freely.
- I no longer get so worked up going into mens bathrooms. It used to scare the shit outta me. Even when I started been seen as male. Now I just go in, and if cubicles are in use, I don’t wait inside, I tend to go outside and hang around for a while and check again after 5 mins. Then I just get a bit nervy about how i’m going to find a loo if they are STILL occupied.
- I want to get to know more transguys more than ever. The more I travel down the transitioning pathway the more I feel connected to other people going through it too. I want to share with people who understands the accumulation of highs, lows and everything inbetween.
On other news the house move went well, although it threw me for a few days trying to settle into everything new. I love the view and the space. I had a bit of a down this week with the walking group i’ve been going to – freaked out a bit and had to go back home. Don’t think i’m going again. But to be honest it has not got me half as down as it would have in the past.
OK, so from now on pictures once a month. Spare you the horrors! Anyway, i’m off for a swim 🙂 (unfortunately a pool this time, not a lake)
Comparison Pic: day 1, day 182, day, 364, day 532 (week 1, week 26, week 52, week 76) Start – 6 months – 1 year – 1 year 6 months