Lone Wolf

Transition

  • Minoxidl still working well
  • Waiting on top surgery revision letter
  • First bloods since I Nebido started next week
  • I think I might be stabilising on Nebido a bit more…
  • Braved the open male changing rooms again to go lake swimming

Life

Time is rolling on and i’m getting more and more involved in my dissertation for University. It involves a lot of time staring at trees (figuring out species) and then hugging them (taking a DBH measurement) which I enjoy, especially with the weather being as hot as it has been. Only annoying bit is inputting it all into a spreadsheet – but I’m getting quite quick at that now.

I went on a walk this week, a CMHT (community mental health team) organised walk round the area. My CPN (community psychiatric nurse) had been trying to get me involved in it for a while, and I finally bit the bullet and showed up. This week it was a quiet one apparently, only a few people and quite a short walk. I found that my anxiety was pretty low, if anything it was more my awkwardness this time that came to the forefront. Holding chit-chat conversations with strangers is something that does not come easy to me…in fact it does not really come at all! Once I know someone over a period of time I slowly open up and talk more, but not on first contacts. All in all I surprised myself to be honest, it was all not as horrendous as I imagined, in fact, I felt no pressure most the time to speak, and just being with people without that struggle to speak/think of things to say was nice. *virtual pat on back*.

Tbh, I’m starting to feel comfortable with the idea that I will never be someone who likes being in big groups and social situations. Someone I know calls me a “lone wolf” and I think it’s pretty fitting. One person around, if I get on with them, is OK. But otherwise I kinda roam and enjoy the freedom of doing what I want, when I want. I guess when/if I meet “the one” that’ll change. But for now I traverse the land alone, seeing all there is to see.

I’m hoping it does not get in the way of me getting a job. Forestry is one of those deceptive careers which people think is kinda “isolated working”, when in the reality a huge chunk of the jobs these days for it are pretty social. Even “log cabin in the woods” ranger jobs now have added public interaction and guided talks/presentations attached. Still, anything environmental would be cool, ideally out of an office for at least 50% of the time.

Or maybe i’ll head off to Japan, and teach for a while. Don’t ask me how that will work with my transition, god knows. I suppose some stuff might pause, other stuff may be complicated…may have to cross those hurdles when/if they come.

Or maybe i’ll buy a boat and sail into the seas?

Or maybe travel to Indonesia and live cheap for a year doing environmental stuff.

Or maybe stay in Wales

Or go to the big cities

Or curl into a ball

and escape into

my dreams

 

Comparison Pic: day 28 vs day 518 (week 4 vs week 74)

 

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