The other day, and many days like it recently, I have got on my bike, and cycled… just cycled anywhere I can reach… beaches, mountains, hills, lakes, reservoirs, countryside, villages. And I love it, just by myself, a vague sense of where I want to go, and the open road. I can almost believe I’ve decided to just set off and travel and not return for a long long time. I grab an orange, a snack bar, some water, spare top, bit of change, waterproofs (you never know here) and set off already feeling my mind relax. I don’t care if I get lost, if its kind of isolated – if anything it adds to the adventure.
But I never used to have this freedom, pre-transition…well, theoretically I did, but practically I always had in the back of my mind “danger”. As someone percived as female back then, I always knew and hated the fact I had to consider there could be a random guy I met out there who’s a rapist, to put it bluntly. And you know what, the chances could be, and probably were, so so slim, but the fear of it always sat there, like a mini anchor that stopped me flying off to my best, reaching places I wanted to reach.
So one of the side-benefits of transitioning has been the anchor dissolving. So yeh, random violence could still occur… but I don’t feel what I used to feel. I enjoy that being a male I don’t have that vulnerability attached to me. At the same time it makes me a bit sad that many females still have to feel it. And a bit guilty for having that extra feeling of freedom.. like why should I have it over others? Just another angle for calling for gender equality I guess, respecting one gender as much as another… in fact just having respect for people full stop!
I continue to take Minoxidl for my facial hair, I think it’s working a bit, although this could be imaginary. Week 3 of Nebido now and I have gone down to half a packet of Testogel a day (I was putting on a little over half last week, its hard to let go). It’s nice not putting on so much when the weather is as hot as it is here now. Crazy 19c today (this is the UK remember). Muscles are becoming much more defined than they got on over a year of testogel. Moods are still more up and down then they were on the gel.
I have signed up to do a guided lake swim nearby! Arghhh! It’s something i’ve wanted to do for a while just not had the guts. It’s in wetsuits so I don’t have to worry about people judging my body…not that that bothers me too much these days.. I suppose just downstairs more than anything. Hopfully I will be able to chat to some people and just relax and enjoy it. Will tell you the result next week 🙂
Short and sweet i’m afraid this week, I actually need to get some work done. I’ve been spending so much time enjoying the outdoors whilst the weather is nice that I have not been putting in as many hours as I would have liked!. Hope everyone has a good week…
Comparison Pic: day 28 vs day 490 (week 4 vs week 70)