I’ve started to get slightly irritated by guys who come up to me and say “Hey, man”. It’s funny, never before have I heard a woman go up to another and say “Hey, woman”. I dunno, I actually did try it a few months back to say “Hey, man” to another guy, and it felt so damn weird. I felt like I could be saying “Hey, human” or “Hey, I notice that you have a penis” or “Hey, you have arms”. Not sure if I am explaining this well.
Maybe it just sounds funny coming from me, maybe its more of an American or surfer dude thing? I suppose I feel fine with “hey buddy/pal/mate” and they are kinda similar. Even those I don’t say personally, just other guys say to me. This relatively new world of being perceived as male is still eye opening and novel. I think some things I will always see in a slightly different light to cis-males just for the simple reason of being brought up as a female in society. And I kinda like that difference. Being transgender comes with so many tough decisions and hard situations, it’s kinda nice and you wanna grasp to the bonuses that come your way, like being one of the few who has seen first hand how society responds to the different sexes.
I have started to use Minoxidl on my face. Finally succumbed to the idea of a Gandalf beard. I only use between 1/4 and a 1/2 of a ml, not the 1ml dose that you would put on your head to stall balding. I don’t really like the stuff tbh, it’s oily and feels greasy on my skin. I dab it in the morning, spend 4 hrs trying and failing to remember to not touch my face, end up with oil all over my hands and getting on my work papers and laptop, then gladly rub it off about midday. I’ll use it for another week or two and if I don’t see much happening I may just quit and store the stuff in case I want it for balding later on.
Oh, and i’ve turned into a raging, hormone inbalanced 14 y/o boy. Nebido is having fun and games, and I’m hungry ALL the time, I need naps in the day, and have random pulses of huge energy. I’m getting spotty’er and hotter and sweaty. On the plus side it’s helping me do some really good workouts at the gym/pool and muscle mass seems to be increasing. On the minus side, I’m having to deal with mood, energy and metabolism swings. I am now like a hobbit, having multiple breakfasts, and post-dinner dinners etc. It should settle down, but for now I am trying to balance it all with quite a lot of Uni work, both from module side of things and dissertation. Only 5 more weeks till I can stop rubbing in Testogel.
I had a telephone interview yesterday :-0 . Potential job, although it’s one that is very hard to get. What is strange is my anxiety levels did not reach a crippling peak. I had prepared, and yeh I was nervous, but for the first time ever with an interview I had a bit of focus in me. The next stage would be an assessment day – a bit more anxiety factored into that one, but will not think about it too much unless it happens.
I feel generally I’ve been doing really good with anxiety in the past week or two. I’ve been able to walk around and do stuff without much trouble. I’ve had short bursts of very low moments, I think linked to the Nebido, but i’ve got through them and not let them rule me. Hoping it’s going to continue in a good way.
Comparison pic: day 28 vs day 245 vs day 476 (week 4 vs week 35 vs week 68 )