I am in the expanse of self-regulated working now. So far, it’s OK. I had the weekend to shake off the horrendous social anxiety fest of last week and to re-group mentally and move on. Really glad I am stable on my medication at the moment, think it is helping stop me getting “pushed over the edge” so to speak. What would this world do if all the pharmaceutical companies got shut down?? I’m getting into a routine with the gym and trying to fit in a fruit and a couple of veg into my diet each day. All that healthy stuff. Ignore the Lindt bunny sat in my room being slowly devoured.
It’s a small luxury, in the evening after working, to sit with some lindt chocolate and play on a bit of runescape. Used to play when i was about 15/16 years old, and I still have the account from back then, so have just picked up on it again for a bit of brain chill out time. It’s not as good as PS3 gaming like Final fantasy, but its good for a computer based mmorpg.
Saw my study mentor the other day, and turned out to be unexpectedly really helpful. They set up a structure for me to start looking at my dissertation in a “do’able” way, and started to work on it with me. Beforehand was wondering if there was anything I could get out of having a study mentor, but now i’m glad I went through the effort of tackling DSA!
Top surgery stuff
I am saying goodbye to my micropore tape tomorrow, my nipples with be freeeeee at last! Breathing in the fresh air and not getting all gammy. It will be 12 weeks post-op (which has gone stupidly fast) and I am really quite pleased with the healing. There is still a bit more puckering then I would like, and a weird kinda dip on my left side which I am keeping an eye on, but I know the chest can take ages to settle. Which is why the surgeon booked my consult for June, the date of which I have just got through the post.
I still cannot feel most of my chest and to be honest, this is not something I thought about much pre-op. I heard of numbness but I just thought “ah it will just wear off and I wont be that bothered anyway“. But I find it a bit…strange. It’s like feeling and not feeling…I can feel a “pressure” if you prod them, but not true “feel”. I get a bit nervous I might hurt or damage my chest without realising, especially with weights at the gym. I’m there thinking, “is this ripping my chest muscles?” and just conclude that I would not be able to do the lift at all if I had ripped them to shreds. Nice thought.
Just before writing this I looked in the mirror and did a :-0 face. The hairs on my chin have grown so much in the past few days! and so has my ‘tashe! Crazy, feels like what I expected maybe 5/6 months on T has finally started to happen. My mustashe is almost, ALMOST at the stage of not looking like one a wiry 13 year old would grow, all whispy and faint. I have warrior class hairs, thick, muscly and tall beaming through.
I’m getting spottier on my arms and shoulders i’ve noticed. I dont necessarily think this is due to the testosterone gel. I think it is more to do with me working out now. After the gym I typically get a “heat rash” for a while where my skin flares up, and I think it aggravates it enough for spots to appear, even with me showering straight after. New thing im trying though: At end of shower, turn it to freezing cold to shorten “rash” time. Not that fun, but if it works will be cool.
Today, I meet my CPN, do a bit of anxiety workthroughs. I’m anxious about doing anxiety workthroughs. Great.
Comparison Pic: Day 14 vs day 413 (week 2 vs week 59)