Rant, complain, apathy, chill

Why is education such a rush? I feel like chunks of this Masters I loose interest and passion for just because it’s pressure to learn it now, do it now, push forwards now. It seems like you are taken as lazy or apathetic if you wanna say:

look, I just wanna sit at this stage for a bit, absorb stuff, let the ideas settle and form solid foundations, THEN I might feel like moving on

I think it’s a big issue that no one really discusses because no one really sees a solution. It’s a “you snooze, you loose” situation, and this is an increasingly global stage. It’s all progress, progress, progress – and it’s easy to get disillusioned. I think we should have more encouragment for learning throughout life, during work, away from work – just at our own pace and keeping that excitment about learning new stuff.

Felt a bit fed up with all the trans stuff this week tbh, don’t know if it’s because I’ve had a cold for the past 5 days and have just been fed up generally. Every so often I get in this frame of mind were it feels like it wears me down. Remembering appointments, gel, ordering, bloods, surgeries, appearance, toliets, hair growth, GIC, GP, etc. I hate watching youtube videos and then seeing the same old comments, time after time belittling and trying to put down trans people. And watching news where whether we have a right to exist and have use of facilities is debated. When your feeling down that stuff just seems to take on a greater significance. And I get pissed off that I can’t just blend in like a cis-male. Nothing new right?

Maybe you can tell by now, it’s been a week of increasing apathy.

I also had a meeting with my dissertation supervisor that did not go so well either and I ended up having a bit of a breakdown with a MH councillor at Uni, BUT on the brighter side I am now in contact with someone who seems like they might have a really good site and project they run which can be used as a dissertation topic.


I know the key with anxiety is to keep throwing yourself into situations, and not fall into the trap of being satisfied with the “comfortable” boundries it sets you (which can get smaller and smaller). Well you can’t say I am not throwing myself into situations on this course. It’s almost laughable. I sometimes think I must be totally mad because I go:

“hum, I have pretty severe anxiety in social situations….better throw myself into an intensive year of meetings, groups and presentations!”

Nothing new on transitioning side of things. Chest is still healing well 🙂

Comparison Pic: Day 7 vs day 392 (week 1 vs week 56)


P.s. Yes in the picture I look out of it, I have a full on evil cold

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