I got the National Geographic’s special issue on the topic of gender this week (if you want to check it out, it is the Janurary 2017 issue). I have not had chance to read much, but what I have read seems to be a really balanced and informative look on what gender means for the upcoming generation. Actually quite refreshing to see a professional piece of journalism about gender that is not trying to dramatise or shock.
This weekend I head back to Uni and to be honest I am a bit trepidatious. I have been at my parents home recovering from top surgery for a month. In that time the other people in the shared house would have all been back for a while. I might have to fight again to get my space back in the fridge and freezer, and it may take me a while to get my routine back (I am quite big on a solid routine). I am also worried about starting the new semester, will I be able to cope? Am I able to do this? Do I want to do this? I suppose it is all stuff that lots of people worry about going back after a while.
Stuff has been going up online from the Uni about the field trip we have in Spring. And I really, really am not looking forward to the idea of it. It is a mixture of:
1) Anxiety about being in close proximity with people for 5 days. Including A LOT of time spent in a minivan (we are talking at times 8hrs+). Feeling trapped gets me on edge and I tend to shut off because I spend my thinking brain figuring when I will be able to get out of the situation. Also socialising the whole trip and not having personal space. I can only take small doses and even then I like knowing I can walk away.
2) Transgender stuff – I have been told I should be able to get my own room (as otherwise it is single sex dorms), but that is something that would be awkward to explain/make up an excuse why. Also I am worried about not having a space place to pee – service stations and pubs etc dont always have a cubicle with a door that can lock, or a working toliet. If this happens to me, I have no one in that trip who I feel I can talk to about it, plus, where would I go? I am trapped following the itinerary of the trip. Ask to use diasbled? The panic and anxiety I am getting now just thinking about all this is pretty high.
So lets move on instead…I might have to make up my mind whether I want to go or not sooner than later.
It is still going smoothly and swelling is going down. I am starting to be able to sleep better with an old binder on. I’m still waiting to see the join on my left nipple/areola heal over a bit better. I will get a peek at them again on Friday when I re-apply my micropore tape. I did think I might have a left over stitch in my side from the drain but I think I was just feeling the bump of my rib! Most of chest is still numb. I like the results more and more with every passing day. It gets me excited thinking about going topless over summer and swimming with just trunks 🙂
Transition wise I got a chin hair notice this week! So super happy about that 😀 , means facial hair is getting there! I can trim now and just 2/3 days later it is fighting back again whereas it used to take over a week. Even though I have not exercised for a month my arms have more muscle in them than I would expect. I was also told that my voice was deeper this week. So looks like testosterone has been busy recently! I asked my GP about self-injections and was told I should be able to self-inject anything as long as they are confident that I can do it. So I should get training soon for injecting Prostap. And when I change to Nebido or Sustanon I should be able to self-inject with them too. Really happy about this as it will reduce trips to see the Nurse. However all this may not happen as my parents might be moving again, so I would loose my home GP – which would suck cause she has been amazing at sorting out transgender stuff for me. But don’t know if my parents are moving just yet so lets try not think about it…
Next week it will be 52 weeks, aka, a year on Testosterone! Although I am a little confused because I started on 22nd of Jan 2016 and next week will be the 19th. Anyway, regardless, next week will be a year update! It’s crazy yet not at the same time, as it feels a lot has happened in the past year. Anyway, hope everyone is doing good, I leave you as always with…
Comparison Pic: Day 7 vs Day 357 (Week 1 vs Week 51)