First of all, anxiety stuff:
I went to the Doctor this week about my anxiety, when I was getting my blocker injection (which went fine btw), and asked for an increase in medication. So I started on Sunday with a 50% increase in my anxiety meds. And god can I tell the difference! It’s got its pros and cons, pros being that I am not getting so anxious (naturally) and not thinking about things to much, but the downside is that I am not really thinking about much at all really…not unless I try hard anyway. About an hour after each tablet it takes all my self-restraint not to droop my head onto the desk and fall asleep. My speech gets slurry and thick and it’s slowed down.
Basically Im going to give it a week. Because I’m not sure if I can cope with this extent of side effects for the duration of this course, it makes it really hard to get into work and stay with it. I’m hoping my body will adjust eventually (soon) and that I will just be left with mainly the pros! Had my DSA assessment today and getting a mentor hopfully who should be able to help me keep on track with studies. The assessment was thankfully quite short, he was a nice guy and understood that it was a hard situation for me. He even asked about my preferred pronouns which gave me a smile 🙂 it’s nice to know we as society are progressing in some areas!
I got a hair cut yesterday! It was really needed, I was getting pretty damn dysphoric in the end as when it was fluffing out I looked pretty feminane. I even think I was misgendered by someone the other day, although not entirely sure. Anyway, it’s cut and thats made me happier. I will need to cut it again before going in for surgery, just so I dont need it for a while after the surgery. Not sure about the style tbh…maybe more should have gone from the top?
What else can I say? I’m struggling with words atm, my interest in “stuff” has diminished somewhat. I’m hoping it’s a phase. I’m going through the motions a lot of the time just trying to get through the day. I’m thinking if I can cope till Christmas at least it will be a good long break (albeit with revision & surgery) to reset the batteries. I’ve now been on testosterone over 300 days! See you next week,
Comparison pic: day 28 vs day 301 (week 4 vs week 43)