I had an appointment with CMHT in my new Uni place yesterday. Finally! I really needed the process to get going. It was a a pretty intense hour, as they normally are. That long with a barrage of sensitive questions by a person you have not met before and whom you probably wont meet again. You get rated and put on several scales of anxiety, depression, general mood, instability etc. Then within a week some people discuss your case and decide whether or not you should get support, and what support that will be.
I have done them quite a few times in the past, but it does not really make it any easier. You go out with your brain a bit deadened like its trying to stop a flood of negative stuff breaking to the surface. I really hope it’s worth it (i.e. I get some support). I am finding it tough and struggling with the contrast of support in my previous place vs here (a lot vs. none). I don’t think my anxiety meds are as effective currently. Or they are the same and it is just I am up against a lot more provoking things. I’m noticing my avoidance and panic with social situations getting more intense again, like its reversing to pre-med levels. I feel as time goes on it becomes more obvious to others that I am not “socially quite there” if you get me!
I also have a meeting to see what DSA help I can get too (like study mentor etc). Thats another hour of fun questions *sarcasm radiating off me* So it does feel like i’m getting out of the stagnent stage I was at.
I’ve been saddened that my facial hair seems to be growing in slower this week, a bit like it’s decided to have a week off. I might have to check how much holiday it’s got booked. The other body hair (ofc) just keeps coming. I told another person I was trans this week which went really well. I do get worried though that the more people I tell, the less control I have over who ends up knowing. You know, like they tell someone, then that person tells someone I was not keen on wanting to know. I just have to hope it works out ok though. Maybe I should be glad atm i’m not living in America! (makes Brexit look trivial).
I go back home this weekend, booked in to get my blocker injection. Will make a nice change, even if it does mean missing 5 hours of lectures. One week less wait till surgery. 🙂
Comparison Pic: Day 21 vs Day 294 (Week 3 vs Week 42)