I am still at Uni, so something most be going well. I am still interacting with people, everyday, often new people. This is something which I have not been able to do for years. I find it mentally exhausting, but I keep going with it and learn when to just stay quieter and give myself a break.
I am travelling across the country for a GIC (gender clinic) appointment in the next few days. Nothing too exciting, just a check of levels and a “how you doing?” type thing. Important though, as I need everything to be right before I go to the surgeon, which is coming up in the next 2 weeks!. I have to get up at 4.30 in the morning and catch a 5.15 train which is going to be fun. All to get to the appointment by 10!
I bailed on going to a LGBT+ Tea meeting today. I had just come out a lecture and was hot and bothered and saw them all sat round together (half way through the meeting) and just could not bring myself to join in. I have told myself next time…I think it would have been easier if the meeting had just been starting, not in mid flow.
I am starting to, by a tiny bit, feel more comfortable with being trans and being around new people, and not worrying too much. It’s a very slow process. The diversity at Uni helps. The pace of the course and the lack of time to think too much probably does too…
I am noticing more definition on my back. Getting into colder weather I’m getting less enthusiastic about standing round semi-naked for 5/10 mins waiting for testogel to dry. I tend to try do a mini work out in the wait. Spots on my arms and shoulders are consistent but not getting worse. I like the increased hair on my forearms, that’s cool. My hair line is definitely changed from before. It’s higher and squarer. I sometimes look at myself in a mirror and take a while to register. It’s odd sometimes, such a change in under a year is hard for the brain to process. It makes you think of how much your mind is floating round and then has this physical construct placed around it and how for everyone it could be so much different. But whatever the physical is, it’s still just this same person, same mind your interacting with. Anyway, too deep, ill stop! I’m swapping round the first comparison pic a bit cause I’m getting bored of looking at that same old picture all the time!
Comparison Pic: Day 14 vs Day 2 (Week 259 vs. Week 37)