I will start off by saying it’s done! I’ve applied to Uni to do a Masters, a sentence I never thought I would hear myself say (It’s been so long I’ve forgotten why I said “Never again” after my BSc…ahh time’s a killer). The manager at the place I volunteer at agreed to be a reference. The fact that I asked him shows the amount of progress my anxiety has taken. Will I get in? No friggin idea. I don’t know how competitive I am compared to others, if my lack of relevant work experience is a major deterrent etc. At least I can say I tried now though.
What’s been playing on my mind along with 3,298 other things is, if I get into University, the continuation of my health care. Specifically Trans health care, although mental health care is also a factor. It’s not impossible to sort out, it’s just fiddly and irritating and it reminded me that at my stage in medical transition currently, i’m pretty much tied down from doing too much. I’m going to need at least 2 pre-op meetings for surgery, then the surgery itself and recovery time etc. The idea would be to try getting this done during the Christmas holidays during the academic year, although it’s undoubtedly going to be bloody hard to juggle everything. I will also have to make sure that I can find a decent GP near the Uni who understands that my medical records are skewed and my NHS number has changed. In fact just one who understands transgender health care in general would be good! My medication would need to be sorted out asap so I can continue TestoGel and other meds.
As I said, it’s all doable. However it does make me think of the people who are sceptical of there even being transgendered individuals and calling it all a trend. When the reality is that it’s a long long road and for those who choose to medically transition its years of hard decisions, long periods of recovery, worries and discomfort. And through all that the world keeps spinning, time keeps moving and you have to find a balance of giving yourself time to transition, and carrying on with life so you don’t get left behind.
Right so that got all deep and serious pretty quick…On a lighter note I got asked what year of school I was in by a 17 year old the other day at volunteering. Gave me a chuckle. Think that’s been one of the best yet, about 8 years off! I did give her a shock when I said I had finished Uni a few years back. Looking back at the situation what I’m even happier about is that it did not make me feel too shy/awkward/blushy. I took control of the conversation and made it a laugh. Don’t want to toot my own horn too much but wow, I actually have some social skills!! Something to tell the psychologist to get myself back in his good books after failing to read a booklet the other week.
Neighbour (NB) wise, it’s getting better. NB is now turning it down significantly after 9.30pm. Problem is now I find it hard to sleep in that room. I lie in bed tense and rigid; not the right combination to get to sleep. My body is ready for NB to turn it up again randomly. It got so bad the other night I only got 2 hours sleep, so last night I slept on the new sofa bed instead just so I could relax. Think it’s going to take me a while to get used to sleeping in the bedroom again. Trying to not let it get to me too much though….
Comparison pic: Day 7 vs Day 196 (Week 1 vs. Week 28)