がまん – Endurance, patience, tolerance

I’m a student of Japanese, and the word  がまん seems to really sum up what you need an abundance of when you’re medically transitioning as a transgender person.

I went to pick up my blood test results yesterday from my surgery. Guess what. All – 3 friggin sheets worth – of results……but no testosterone result. Seriously. Yep, even after the bloods were sent off to the labs with “TRANSGENDER, TRANSEXURAL” written all over them like a vampire warning sign.

Not only that but at first the secretory tried to tell me I had not requested that test. (Hum, to laugh or cry?) I firmly assured her that yes, the test had DEFINITLY been requested. Then had to explain (for the 649th time) that I was transgender and my records were moving over NHS numbers etc. and maybe it was lost in a unicorns hoof?

Secretory: “Hum, OK, well I can’t find it here, how about a call back from the doctor?”

Me: Today? It’s urgent

Secretory: Well she’s fully booked today. What about in 2 days’ time?

Me: No, as I explained, that’s too late. I need this sorting now

Secretory: *Magically pulling time from a black hole* OK, I’ll put it as urgent and you should get a call back today.

After then negotiating for another 5 minutes I managed to secure a morning call back. I left and walked home with my morning’s testosterone radiating off me and red eyes. Back home, coffee on, coffee made, sit down, Maryland cookie. Phone Rings.

Secretory: “I spoke with GP, we have printed off a sheet for you to get testosterone re-done” You can come collect it from anytime now”

No apology, no nothing, just I need it done again. Realising that I needed to get the bloods done that morning or it was too late for next week’s GIC (gender clinic) appointment, I abandoned the coffee and sprinted back to the GP’s within 10 minutes. I grabbed sheets, went to bloods area and got them done by a lovely nurse whom had done them last time, then walked home with sweat radiating off me and an exhausted mind.

The new testosterone result will not be accurate as I had already applied testosterone gel that morning to my arms. Tough luck right?

After meeting with my recovery worker, we both agreed it’s not right what’s been going on. I called my mum and she also agreed. I needed to contact the GPs and have this out with them.

I called the GP’s and low and behold, all managers were on a training day. Cue an exhausted panic attack on the phone to secretory as I tried to force the words out that I needed, NEEDED to speak to my GP. Message finally got through and said a call-back would come soon. I tried to control the panic attack for 5 minutes waiting for phone to ring. Finally got in contact with GP and panic attack intensified as I poured out all my frustration, pissed off’ness, sadness, anger, confusion, hopelessness, and distrust at the way my case is being handled.

Thankfully, the GP was great with me, and said that she’s really trying to improve things. She has also set up a system so that this never happens with my bloods again. She said my results will be in in time for the clinic and that they will call me when they have them. I just hope this is the start of a better run with them.

Cause who needs all that crap described above when you just want to pick up a blood test result?

Transition update wise I am getting some proper chin hair coming through. It really is trying now, even though you can’t see it in photos. It’s like starting out with a savanna then moving on to an English countryside then hopefully progressing to a nice wood or even better a face forest. I’ve noticed some body fat redistrubution, my hips are slightly slimmer now with my thighs thicker. Weight Lifting is also helping to thicken my forearms. Talking about which, these are starting to get darker hairs on them. Btw, next time I write this blog, I would have been to the GIC!

Psychology – Right, ill update this one next week; let’s just say I did not reach a full session this past week.

Volunteering is probably the best thing that came out of last week. Maybe I should start writing in this blog more when it goes crap because it seems that after I write that the next week is good. I took on more responsibility this week as there was not as many staff on. So I was doing important stuff by myself! That felt pretty cool. I also engaged with the public a few times for short conversations. I feels great now being called “Sir” or “young man” and it really gives me a confidence boost when starting out talking. It was tough, don’t get me wrong, but it felt like a step forward after a step back. At least it’s the right direction this time right?

Comparison Pic: Day 7 vs. Day 147 (1 week vs. 21 weeks):

 

 

 

 

One thought on “がまん – Endurance, patience, tolerance

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s