Stumbling on trans hate: I was checking out the trailer on YouTube for the new Rocky Horror Show (RHS) Movie the other day and went scrolling through the comments section. I was expecting maybe complaints from people not wanting a new RHS or comparing it to the old one. What I was not expecting was to see a torrent of verbally abusive comments towards transgender people because of the actress playing Frank (Laverne Cox) being transgender.
I mean, I know there are haters out there, but somehow it was shocking seeing it on a concentrated form on this type of platform. I wondered how many of those people behind the keyboard would say the same things to people face to face. Maybe very few…so how many people are secretly, internally, transphobic?
In some ways I find it baffling trying to work out why someone would hate me so much for being trans, thinking me disgusting, awful, abhorrent. I’m pretty damn harmless you know. I can only assume its people who are scared of something they don’t understand, so it becomes a defensive behaviour “just in case” it’s a threat. My advice for these guys would be to stop being so angry and if you don’t want to understand then the second best is to just leave it be and be aware that you walking among transgender people every day who are not turning yourself and your kids into 5 eyed, winged demons (however cool that would be). If you do that for a while you might be able to de-tense and focus anger on something else (hopefully something deserving of it this time).
It’s the 17 week mark now (2 days from 4 months). That’s 3 months on full dose Testogel, 1 month of reduced doses to build up. It’s now that I really feel significant changes have occurred.
- I’ve gained weight (4kg), in a good way. Please note “good”. One factor that I did not like pre-testosterone was hearing guys starting T saying they were putting on a shit tonne of weight that seemed to target their stomach. I prepared for this mentally. As predicted my hunger levels have rocketed, and I know my metabolism is increasing so I will need more food. I allow myself extra food trying to keep that added portion as controlled as possible, normally something high in protein or some extra carbs before a workout. I have altered my workout routine to focus on areas that could go astray (i.e. stomach) and in those areas I make sure I increase reps because I take into account that on testosterone I should be able to do more now. I have started lifting weights and have introduced more “core” exercises. So basically I’ve made an effort. Because of this my waist size has stayed the same (if anything might be decreasing a little) and I feel happy with my weight and how things are progressing.
- I have broader shoulders (which makes my neck look thicker), larger arm muscles, better ab definition (for all, see above) and my thighs have definitely changed shape but I can’t quite pinpoint how.
- I’m pretty sure my average body temperature has increased. My sweating has changed from a few damp patches to like blanket dampness and little magic waterfalls tumbling down my skin with rainbows shimmering through the mist.
- Spot increase not as bad as expected. I am using the recommended acne cream on my face every day anyway. I get some on body but not many.
- I have hair growing on my knees and up my thighs. I have a super cool happy trail. I have hair growing thicker on my lower arms.
- I’m rocking pretty cool upper lip hair now and i’m starting to feel more of it coming in on my chin and all over my cheeks, but that hair is still really fair.
- Voice how dropped LOADS in the last 2/3 weeks. I love it.
- Face shape has lost its “softness” and I feel much happier with it
- Most importantly throughout this happening I have felt happy with the changes and calmer. In the first month or two I was scared that I would suddenly think I had made a huge mistake. But looking back, all the stuff I went through pre-T made the chances of that happening pretty damn low. I’m glad fear did not hold me back from doing this.
I missed volunteering this week due to a family member being in hospital so naturally that was more important, but I will be back next week. After this I am off to see support staff to talk about gas & electricity bills. Basically the energy company are ignoring my meter readings and are just billing me a frigging fortune. It’s getting my anxiety up more than I like to admit. Plus I need to photocopy documents so I can get visiting parking permits. God I hate “adult-ing”. Sheets of paper and stress. Trying to deal with it all feels like trying to keep several plates spinning at the same time!
Comparison Pic 7 days vs. 119 days (1 week vs 17 weeks):