It’s been another week and it’s flown by.
I’ve found it a hard week for frustration and isolation. But one thing that comforts me is that I have awareness and a dislike for the isolation and bubble I sometimes feel i’m trapped in. The fact i’m not apathetic towards it means I still have fight in me to change it. An important goal for me currently is to develop a friendship (or even more than just one, that would be even better). I have a real lack of interaction with people in my own age group, especially guys. Finding my age group is bloody hard without going to a pub/club! I mean I would not mind a pub but i’m not one for getting drunk as entertainment. Volunteering might bring me in contact with some people maybe. I’m also off with my recovery worker to look at an art course nearby which might give me an opening as well. I just want some mates to have fun with and be young whilst we are still young.
Being transgender brings in a complication yeh, but i’m starting to realise you can’t be transgender without being tough skinned. It kinda forces on you a different skill set of how to manage people and situations. It actually makes a really good radar for finding out who total d**ks are. Sometimes it can be the people you least expect.
I’m 12 weeks on Testogel (testosterone) today. 2 Months on the full dose. Things are settling into a steady pattern of changes (more hair, increased muscle mass, hunger etc.) , the only particular thing of interest this week being my voice. It’s changed from week 1, there is no doubt about that. Now sometimes it’s really low, and sometimes it’s pretty high. Of course, whenever I want to tell someone it’s getting lower, my higher voice comes into play. I don’t know how long it will be like this, swinging around, but it’s interesting not knowing what voice is going to come out and what point!
I have managed another week of volunteering. The morning was hard cause I just did not want to speak to anyone, but it got better in the afternoon. I think it’s really beneficial doing full days, it lets me relax into the situation which sometimes with me can take hours. If I’d just done a morning I would have gone away hardly having spoken at all. I’m thinking of asking next week to diversify my role a bit so I learn more about some of the different areas of the place, whilst still keeping the “speak to the public” side.
I also had to deal with a Doctor this week who I have a strong feeling was transphobic. I’m not going to go too much into it but i’m enquiring about what I can do about it. It sucks to have to waste time on stuff like that. But hey. We move on.
As always I leave this blog before my psychology session. Wish I could say i’m in the mood for it but argggghhh. Think my brain has learnt now it’s going to get a battering so it tries to run in the opposite direction on Thursdays.
Last of all, the comparison pics (Day 1, week 4, week 8, week 12):