Today marks 8 weeks on Testosterone, which is amazing. So that’s 1 month on the full dose, and a month of smaller doses. Really glad now that I started on a lower dose as I read somewhere that it can help your voice change better. (Can’t find the source again unfortunately). Even if the research was not water tight it gives me hope which is one thing.
- My ‘tash hairs (i.e. upper lip) are growing really well now. I will probably trim them again soon, which I will continue to do until they grow in thicker.
- Perceived as male more or not? I’m not interacting with that many people atm so I could not truthfully tell you.
- My voice has had a mini drop I feel.
- Hair on my legs is growing thicker and there is more of it.
- I have random spots appearing on body
Things continue to move on nicely at a pace I can handle and enjoy. I have had a total lack of energy the entirety of this week but that could be due to a bug going round or something so i’m not going to blame it on the T!
It’s been a tough going week this week. I have probably been doing too much thinking, that’s the trouble. I delve into my past, I weave together visions of my future. I also went to the induction at the place i’m going to volunteer and feel I did not do enough to interact. I just couldn’t though. My main worry was my voice. The woman had introduced me as Sebastian and I was thinking “s***, as soon as I talk to them, they will think it’s a female voice, then get all confused, then wary of me, then either I’ll be known as the transgender one or the odd one, when all I wanna be known as is who I am on the inside.”. So I sat there and listened and then went straight out, not talking. I know I can’t do this when I start the role though, so I’m going to have to pluck up the courage fast.
There was also something on TV the other day about transgender people and how much they cause the NHS. Which I don’t want to jump too far into on this blog as it’s a s***storm of a topic, but just to say it brought back to me the worry that I had pushed to the back of my head and I’m sure most trans individuals who choose to medically transition have it. And the worry is that funds could disappear. In my case this is NHS funds, but for others it could be their own funds or insurance or whatever. If the NHS decide to take away funding for top surgery will I have to bind for the rest of my life? Can I cope with that? Will I be able to afford Testosterone? Will I be making enough money anyway? It’s a lifetime of needing treatment and you can’t worry about it all the time otherwise you would go mad but programmes like the one that was on bring it to the surface and it’s a queasy feeling. Could do without it really but, T is the best thing to have happened to me.
I have to go now, mundane life problems call, the toilet is broken and is forever filling and draining in the cistern (??) making a racket which I only noticed at 4.30am when I took my earplugs out. The neighbours must love me this morning. After over half and hour of ramming my hand into the damn thing full of freezing cold water and prodding and poking plastic bits and bobs I had the bright spark idea just to turn the stopcock off and collapse into bed again. However it means I have to turn it on whenever I need the toilet, or water to clean/drink/wash. Repairs are calling now so fingers crossed it’s sorted today!
Comparison pictures of day 1, week 4 and week 8.