4 Weeks on Testosterone

I’m a month.. 4 weeks on T!!! The discrepancy between a month and 4 weeks is annoying in this case. I’m going with weeks as it is easier to keep track of my Testogel routine that way.

Either way, I’ve now graduated to the full sachet a day! I’m no longer on my gentle, serene introduction; i’m on the raw, full on, knock you backwards T. Although all it means for me at the moment is more rubbing. That is gel rubbing in (ofc) as now I have to manage to get a whole sachet to dry on my stomach, shoulders and upper arms. It definitely takes a bit longer than the half sachet and I felt I pretty much ran out of skin today!

Changes

  1. Spots – in places of my body I never had spots before. I was actually cynical as to whether this would happen to me as I could not believe spots in places like my stomach or back of thighs. But yep, it can happen to anyone!
  2. I had my first shave!! Wooooooo. I noticed on my upper lip the hairs were getting too wispy long so I got a beard trimmer and sliced the poor fellows off. I trimmed, not shaved, as my skin is already sensitive enough as it is now without a slice of sharp metal being dragged across it. Which brings me to my next point.
  3. Eczema/dry skin – pretty bad on my face, arms, hands and neck. Trying to keep on top of it is an uphill battle but i’m persevering.
  4. Face shape – I suppose a bit subtle but I can tell. It’s looking a bit more “block’y” less oval and smooth. I’m posting the comparison pic below as normal for you to take a look at.
  5. Voice crackling – I’ve checked, it’s not got deeper. Just sometimes it crackles and drops a little for a bit, then its back up to normal. Sometime is slowly happening there though.
  6. Hunger – Just keeps increasing, which is annoying as energy bursts have levelled so I have to be careful how much I’m eating
  7. Mood – I can stay calmer for longer. I want to go into this a little more below as this blog was and is about my mental health as well.

My mood changes have been interesting as I really did not know what to expect when starting testosterone. I have come to realise that my transition, and being transgender, does overlap with my mental health. Something I was keen to deny before. I still don’t believe that being transgender caused my mental health problems that are still with me today, not by a long way. However I do think that it compounded issues. The more masculine i’m looking, the calmer i’m feeling. I feel I can keep level headed longer.

I still get really bad thoughts and urges from time to time as before, so that has not changed. But i’m not acting on them (as has been the case for 8/9 months now), and the longer I don’t act on them hopefully the less realistic they will become. The spirals of negative thinking I find impossible to halt and they can make me feel I can’t do anything. But I tend to somehow plod along until I get out of them, taking every minute by minute, hour by hour.

I have two solid references for the volunteering role I am going for now, but I have not heard word back from the place. Hopefully it’s just a back log and they’re not ignoring me. I may be anxious about it sometimes but I bloody well want to try at it. It feels like the only thing I have at the moment that is pushing me forwards (taking transitioning out the equation).

Anyway, I have Psychology this morning, fun fun fun. Not in the mood really but have to make the most of the sessions. I need to get a grip of this anxiety and these sessions hold the most promise.

 

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