Things are a-changin’

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The major finding in my life in the past few weeks has been this:

“You need to fill a flat with “things”, this means you have to spend…a lot”

Who knew? I started off knowing that I had a desk and a chair…and did not really think at the start of this about a bed, mattress, chest of drawers, wardrobe, washing machine, bookshelf..maybe even cooker, freezer etc

So, I have become thrifty! Gumtree, freecycle, second-hand furniture shops, shops that help people on benefits, sales, clearance, through the grapevine. Things are nearly complete, stored in the garage for now. And still no firm date for moving in. I’ve heard the landlord may not even give a definite day till the day before! Just a rough estimate for 7th/8th of September. This was moved back from the bank holiday weekend due to problems with the previous tenant. I’ve not been frustrated about this yet as I’ve been busy buying, but now it’s starting to creep in, the nagging feeling that I just want this move done.

I’m scared of being alone, of endless hours in a room with no one there, just a radio and TV for company. I’m frightened that other people in the flats nearby wont like me, or I wont like them. I’m anxious that I won’t settle into the new routine, the new noises, faces. I don’t want to turn into a hermit, buried deep in the room, loosing my mind.

But, changes happen, and this one is a must. I have to try it, because its the best way to move forward, to try gain some independence. My anxiety is pretty high because of all this, but I’m keeping it from going haywire, which is the most important thing. And the demon of depression has not lifted it’s head recently, so thats pretty damn awesome! The psychiatrist has taken note of all this, which helps with relation to the next topic I draw onto….

My first GIC appointment is drawing ever closer and I can’t wait. I have found out through threads and forums that there is the potential to be placed on hormones on the second appointment, which can be just three months away from the first. So from thinking about 6 months wait, it could now be only 3, maybe even before Christmas. It’s crazy! I’m trying to be realistic and remind myself that my mental health could hinder a smooth quick process, but I can’t help the bubbles of excitement!.

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