The above is a representation of how I feel when I’m breaking down. Mentally flipping. Over and beyond “the edge”.
No matter where I am; from my bedroom to a huge bloody atrium of a big building, I feel like I’m being squeezed into a box that is restricting my movement. My senses are alive and buzzing, my eyes see the world and more. My ears hear everything around me and everything in my head, ultra receptive and sensitive. My head thumps and radiates chaos. My mind flicks through severe and blinding images and thoughts, none making much sense, some triggering me deeper and deeper into an almost trance like state. My body tries to comfort with repetitive movements, back and forth or tap-tap-tap.
A small person, my “normal state” mind, floats a distance away and shakes his head in resignation, unable to control the dangerous being it sees before it. He knows he has to wait it out. Wait until he can return. Wait until he can patch up damage that’s not irreversible and sort out what to do in the aftermath.