Social anxiety is fiend

 

SebHidingI have social anxiety, and have had it long enough to know how to spell it properly.

I’m socially awkward… the one you see sat silently looking like they are trying their best to fuse with the wall. It’s a problem, and one that does not seem to be getting any better for me. But I am trying.

I’ve started to go to a craft group local to me for people who have mental health difficulties. Sounds positive right? Only a few problems…

1) The only reason I managed to walk into the room was because a friend was with me, otherwise I deemed it too shit scary, like accidentally finding yourself centre stage in a crowded theatre.

2) I sit by my friend, and……I don’t interact with anyone (except her). Bugger.

So I only enter group situations with someone I know, then I use that person as a shield to buffer all social interactions. I’m pretty damn good at analysing this, I just wish understanding my thought process led to a change in the situation.

So, you will find me once a week sat with a tube of pritt stick, scissors, colourful/textured paper, shrunk to half my size in the chair, concentrating so hard on creating a card that I make it look like im doing a PhD project.

If you were to see me like this, please know that I am not trying to be rude or distant, inside I am silently chastising myself for not being able to even look up and smile at someone. I fear conversation would expose my lack of social skills, and make it look like I am “off-ish” or un-interested or rude or weird or or or or or I stammer, falter and create a damn awkward atmosphere!

I need to talk the bold step forward, I am aware of this. I need to go to a group by myself, to initiate conversation without my pupils dilating wide enough to fit a Sunday roast, to sit there confidently and to smile and relax. Just where to begin?

 

 

 

 

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